Two years and still on the road…

Yesterday was an important anniversary for me — two years ago, I was baptized at the Calvary Baptist Church.  This was an important and life-changing choice for me, and if you want to, you can read about it here and here and here

So for a moment, I want to pause and follow the ancient practice of remembering sacred days and feasts, because, for me, this anniversary is both.

I can safely say that I cannot think of only one other decision that I have made in my life that was made so clearly and without consternation.   And I can think of no other decision about which I can say, two years later, I have never doubted in retrospect.  It is a decision, that in fact, I rise each day and embrace again and again…it was and is each day, the beginning of new life and being for me.  It is an ongoing choice that colors every moment of my life and every choice and action and thought that I have had since that moment when, in the presence of my community of faith, with my Pastor and friend, I walked even further into the presence of my God.

But alas, on this date two years later, I am struggling…I am struggling with something equally momentous, equally life-changing, yet another step in my answer to the call of that God, and this answer is not so easy.  This time, I am fighting it.  I cannot so easily embrace the acceptance and faith of Mary as she sings the Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55).  I am not able to say with her as in Luke 1:38 “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.”  Not about this particular next step.

While I want desperately to respond with Mary’s acceptance and faith (which I’m pretty sure was not really what she was feeling in her humanity), I am currently standing with the shepherds in Luke 2: 8-12, trembling and afraid.

And yet, thanks to the gift of two years ago, I know that it will be alright.  I will eventually put down the baggage of my past that binds me to the shepherds, and embrace the faith of my heart that will let me stand with Mary.  And at that moment, my journey begun two years ago down the road of life will continue, the hunt will go on, for as long as I have breath and for as long as I can remember that day two years ago…no matter where that hunt might lead me.

Thanks be to God.

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